Fetish Dictionary: Autagonistophilia

The Fetish Dictionary takes one sexual “philia” and explores it through a short fictional scenario. This week’s word is…


a paraphilia in which sexual arousal and orgasm are contingent upon displaying one’s self in a live show, i.e., being observed performing on stage or on camera.(Source)

I put on red lipstick, very red. I make a heart from my own mouth, with two happy peaks and a round little bottom. In the dressing room lights I look like a doll that doesn’t know left from right. I prefer it that way, it helps get me off.

“Ten minutes until the show, Kassie,” my boss Mike calls from the door.

All good sex workers should consider using a “K” in their name. It is the letter that starts words like kiss, kitschy, and kettle. I put on a cat ear headband, over the tumbling waves of blonde curls. Kitschy is my favorite word, and Kassie is an ideal name for me.

When there is a minute left before the show, I walk behind the stage and wait for my queue. Dozens of men are out there, smoking and drinking in darkness. Some of them already have their hands down in the front of their pants because they’ve seen my act before and want to be ready.

“She’s gorgeous, she’s horny, and she can’t get off without your help! Give a round of applause for Kassie, the dirtiest kitten in Texas!”

I emerge to a song that I didn’t choose playing from the loudspeakers. Then I dance around the stage to warm the crowd up. The striptease doesn’t take more than five minutes, and is my least favorite part. Because of my specific instruction, the sound guy turns up the lights just enough so that I can see the faces of the men watching the show, but not enough for them to notice.

On stage there is a chair beside a big treasure box of sex toys. Once I’ve undressed and flung my panties into the crowd, I sit on the fake velvet throne and start my work. I’m already wet. Just seeing the suggestion of waiting men makes my cunt ache to be fucked. Sometimes Mike can round up another performer to fuck, lick, or spank me on stage. But today, it’s a solo act.

“Okay boys, which toy should I use?”

Measuring by decibels, I choose a thick black dildo from the box. I spread my legs and tease myself with it, rubbing the silicon along my wet cunt. Men cheer and whistle, and I take the tip of it into my mouth to wet it, simulating oral on the lucky tool.

“I like it nice and thick, oooh, and black too!”

In truth, I could stick anything in my cunt and orgasm, so long as it was in front of a crowd. I need an audience, eyes moving over my cunt. Before I started working for Mike at the Pink Pony, I used to open my first floor apartment window and fuck myself in front of anyone who walked by.

I slide the dildo into my pussy and pull it in and out. Some of the men whistle, a few move their hands inside of their pants, and the very best of them throw dollars. I can feel their eyes on me, watching the dildo vanish like a magic trick and then appear again with slick shine of wetness. The dildo feels thick and wonderful inside of me. I wish that it were legal to take all of these men right now, to let them fuck me on stage until I was full of cream.

“Oooh, ooh it’s thick. I’m going to cum soon! I know it!”

I pinch my nipples and ride the silicon cock, bucking against the chair. The weight of eyes touch me, I can feel them press against my body. Through the dim blue lights I can see men stare and smoke. The most important thing I see are those dark eyes, glowing, watching.

“Do you want to fuck me? Do you like to watch? I wish I could take all of you up here, I want all of you to fill me up.”

Mike lets me keep a larger portion of the tips because I enjoy the work so much. Men have driven two hours to see my special show, because it is so mutually pleasing. They watch, I cum.

“Oh! Here I go!”

I’m really fucking myself hard by this point. The dildo plunges up inside of me and then pulls out again completely, only to go right back at it. Because they watch, I cum. I scream and they moan. I shudder to a finish and they shudder with me. They’re the best partner I’ve ever had.

“Let’s give it up for that hot little kitten, Kassie!” The announcer calls, the music plays. I pull the dildo out of my cunt, take a bow, and walk backstage.


Photo credit: slimmer_jimmer via Visualhunt / CC BY-NC-ND