Battling The Green Monster: Erotica Author Envy

Not to toot the enormous ship horn of erotica, but my friends, erotica is one of the hardest genres of writing on the planet. It’s beyond just satisfying your reader with great prose and incredible characters: a baby could do that! No indeed, erotica is about being the best writer you can and making your readers so horny that they are about to vault themselves onto a tree branch and grind themselves to glory.

The prose of Nabokov, the filth of Redtube.

It’s also nearly impossible to step back from a piece that you’ve worked hard on to measure it in the eyes of your reader. It’s hard to get off on a piece of writing that you put together with tape, toothpicks, sugar cubes, and prayers.

Being an erotica author also means that I consume a lot of erotica. Amidst the typo-ridden landscape of crap writing, there are authors that take my breath away. I’m sure you can imagine one right now in your mind: work so filthy, so wonderful, that you feel like you’ve spent .99 on a one-way ticket to Hell.

And then, my friends, there are authors who have incredible branding. Kickass graphic design, great story ideas, pages and pages of work on their Amazon author page that makes you drool. How do you stand up in the face of this? How do you keep working when so many erotica authors are out there killing it? Enter the listicle, baby.

Their Own Thing, Your Own Thing

Every erotica author has their own combination of a recipe. They do taboo, they have huge butts on the cover, they write in first person exclusively. And you have your own style, whether you know it or not. Embrace your style, don’t try to be a shitty copy of another writer. How can you make your mark? What makes you stand out? Hold tight on to those things and high five yourself!

Erotica Readers Devour It All

This isn’t the Wild West. There isn’t just one sheriff in town. You are not going to put on assless chaps and fight someone in the middle of town. My friend, erotica readers are constantly looking for the next awesome read. One part of this is because many eroticas are short, but another is the insatiable hunger for horny reads. Even if you don’t feel like you stand up to some of the writers you love, you can certainly stand beside them.

Climb The Mountain

No successful author or successful anything ever took the same journey twice, step for step. You can’t copy the same routine, build up the same experience, and basically go Single White Female on any of the authors you love and admire. Van Gogh didn’t even start painting until he was 27, so my children, you are on your own journey. It may take you years to get where you want to go, but at least you are going. Climb ev’ry mountain! Drop The Ring into Mordor! Okay?!

Hit Yourself In the Face

If jealousy gets really bad one night when you’re alone, then do me a solid and lift up your right hand. Then take that right hand and slap yourself as hard as possible. Ouch! You’ve really learned your lesson now!