How to write believable dialogue for sex scenes

Us humans do it a lot. Your parents certainly did it. Your grandparents too. I’m willing to bet you’ve done it. Or at least you’ve fantasised about doing it, which is almost the same thing.

Sex.

It’s got to be one of the few things we still have in common with our ancestors right back to the apes. And I doubt it’s changed that much. Sure, we might have come up with a few new moves. Maybe they didn’t have all the toys we have now. But as a species we’ve been fucking since time began.

So if we’re all so experienced, why is it so difficult to write about?

Real sex

Surely this is a simple problem to fix, right? After all, if we’re all at it like behemian rabbits on viagra then all we have to do is take a few real life notes. Easy.

Mechanically, that’s an absolutely sound philosophy. OK, so maybe not actual notes while you’re actually having sex:

“Hmmm, it’s interesting how you’re rubbing your breasts. What’s going on there?”

“Well, darling, when I get aroused my breasts are stimulated. They actually get larger.”

“Fascinating. Do you mind if I write that down?”

That sort of thing tends to kill the mood. But write down what you can remember. Read other people’s memoirs if they’re juicy, or other people’s fiction. Read sex guides and scientific insights. Watch porn. Do these things as a writer, not just for entertainment. You’re looking for what’s actually going on, not just indulging your senses.

Research will reward you with a much greater talent for descibing how people make love, and that can only be a good thing.

But the problem is, all that research tends to lead to rather repetitive dialogue.

“Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Yes. Yes. Yes.” She panted as she rocked back and forth against his hips, grinding his cock further and further into her tight, wet pussy. “Ohhhh. Oh. Fuuuuuck.”

“Oh, fuck,” he screamed. “Oh. Yes. Yes.”

“Oh, fuck. Yes. Yes. Oh, fuck.”

Try to keep that going throughout every part of the sex scene. Not easy, is it? Not very entertaining either.

Porn vs Erotica

Erotica has an image problem.

People see the word “erotica” and often read the word “porn”. It’s not difficult to see where the confusion might come from. Both have sex as a strong, recurring theme. Both are designed to arouse.

But where porn might introduce a situation and pretend that it’s a story, erotica has a full blown plotline and interesting characters. And that’s the difference that the erotic writer needs to remember. Every scene of your story needs to move the plot along, or reveal the character of one or more of the central players. Every scene. Even the sex scenes.

Especially the sex scenes.

How to use motivation

Stories don’t move by themselves (or at least they shouldn’t). Characters add motion to stories. And in order to do so, they need a motivation.

A motivation is essentially what your character wants, and everyone always wants something. Not being able to get it adds tension. Right now I want a sandwich. But I need to finish this article. Tension.

When your characters have sex, it’s because they want something. That might be simply gratification. It could be that they want to playfully punish the other character. Maybe they’re a honey trap and their motivation is creating evidence.

Whatever the situation is, before you write the scene, make a note of the motivation of each of the characters. What do they want? What is in the way of them getting it? This could be the other character, or an environmental issue. In order to get what they want, the character must overcome the obstacle. Tension.

For instance, let’s say you have two hot characters: Kyle and Lexi. Kyle believes he has seduced Lexi, but in reality she has tricked him. The only reason she’s going to fuck him is because he’s her sister’s boyfriend and Lexi enjoys taking her sister’s things.

Kyle just wants a quick bit of action with his girlfriend’s freaky sister. He feels kind of guilty about it, but not enough to stop what he’s doing.

Lexi just wants to hurt her sister. She wants Kyle to use her in ways that will make sister furious. In order to get it, she’s got to get Kyle to do more than just fuck her.

“You like that?” Lexi panted as she rocked back and forth against his hips, grinding his cock further and further into her tight, wet pussy. “Be a good boy and I’ll let you cum all over my face.”

For a moment, Kyle had a flash of guilt. “Just fuck me.” Suddenly he wanted it to be over.

She laughed as she raked her hair back. “I bet dear, sweet Tabitha never let you cum on her face, did she?”

Now how much better was that? A little bit of motivation goes a long way. I can imagine this scene playing out in a couple of different ways, and the rest of the story around it.

3 tips for interesting dialogue during sex

1. Write down the motivation for each of the characters in the scene. If the motivation isn’t strong enough, think about how you can strengthen it.
2. If one or more of the characters has an obstacle to achieving their goal (especially if that’s the other character) then you’ll add tension.
3. Don’t get mixed up between interesting dialogue and realistic dialogue. Your story isn’t real life.

Try using motivation for the sex scenes in your next story. And why not put an extract in the comments so that we can all read?

Nicci Haydon writes erotica, both in her own name and as a ghost writer. Her goal in life is to convince the world that stories about sex are healthy, safe and a lot of fun. To that end she gives away free samples on her blog, like some street corner smut peddler. Find more of her writing at https://niccihaydon.wordpress.com/